The Question Many Christian Women Don’t Say Out Loud
- Tina Smith
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹.
This image may look like I am simply having fun. And yes, in that moment, I was. But when my trainer invited me to channel the emotions I have lived through, a quiet and fleeting thought surfaced that I know many Christian women have felt.
𝗔𝗺 𝗜 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹?
As a neuroscience-informed therapist, I understand that emotions are not accidental. They are designed to be experienced, processed, and integrated, not avoided, spiritualized away, or silenced. Sometimes they need to be expressed in healthy, contained ways, even if that means taking a sledgehammer to a tire in a gym.
I may be smiling in the photo, but what caught my attention internally was this awareness.
Anger surfaced, and with it the familiar, unspoken tension many women carry. 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴, 𝗼𝗿 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲, 𝗼𝗿 𝘂𝗻𝗳𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗳𝘂𝗹?
As a neuroscience-informed therapist and a woman who leads, I want to say this clearly and gently. The Lord gave you the full range of emotions, and He did so with wisdom and intention. If you have walked through hard things as a Christian woman in leadership, you will carry sadness and grief, frustration and confusion, weariness and disappointment, and yes, anger woven through the journey.
These emotions are not evidence of a lack of faith. They are evidence that you are human and that you have lived.
When emotions are suppressed, they do not disappear. They move inward or sideways. They show up in the body, in burnout, in illness, in resentment, in numbness, or in quiet disconnection from yourself and others.
Are Your Expressing Your Anger?
Many women in leadership have learned how to be composed, spiritual, and strong, while carrying unprocessed emotion beneath the surface. But unexpressed emotion does not make us holy. It makes us unwell.
Healthy expression allows emotion to move through rather than take residence.
This is not about losing control. It is about stewarding what God entrusted to you. The Psalms remind us that God is not threatened by our honesty. Jesus Himself expressed grief, anguish, and righteous anger. Emotion, when held with wisdom and safety, becomes a pathway to healing rather than something to fear.
You are not wrong for feeling deeply.
You are not unfaithful for naming what hurts.
And you are not disqualified because anger showed up along the way.
You are allowed to feel it all, and you are allowed to learn how to do so in ways that bring life, integration, and restoration.
Because all that Scripture says is not that anger is forbidden, but that it must be stewarded.
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26)
Anger is not the problem. What we do with it is where wisdom, healing, and obedience meet.
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Tina Smith
Author | Mentor | Supervisor | Mediator-in-Training | International Coach | Director | Founder of Selah Treatment Center
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