When Your Heart for People Starts to Cost You

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𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘀𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗽𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗲: "𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗲."

I struggled with that phrase for years because I never wanted to see people as disposable. I could not reduce a person to a cog in a wheel, shaping an organization for the sake of output or growth. I have always seen the gifts in people, the potential, the call on their life, even when it was still forming. Because of that, I leaned toward development. I leaned toward patience. I leaned toward believing that with enough care, support, and time, things would shift.

What I learned, often the hard way, is something I now offer to you as wisdom.

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝗳𝘁.

When a leader carries more desire for someone’s growth than they do themselves, it can be experienced as pressure, offense, or control, and over time, the person can experience bitterness and offense. That bitterness rarely stays contained. It quietly spreads through teams, cultures, ministries, and churches, shaping the atmosphere in ways we did not intend.

If you lead people, you know this tension well. Holding responsibility while still believing in potential is sacred work, and it always carries risk. Developing people, teams, and culture matters deeply, but not when you find yourself striving harder than the person you are trying to support. That is not leadership. It is the slow erosion of your own clarity and capacity.

I still believe in investing in people more than in systems. That conviction has stayed with me. But discernment has been shaped in me through experience. Organizations do not thrive by discarding people, nor do they thrive when a leader pours their heart, time, and authority into someone who is unwilling or unable to steward what they have been given.

Identify The Season

There are seasons when you are called to invest deeply in the one, to walk patiently and build slowly. And there are other seasons when wisdom invites you to step back and consider the good of the whole. Neither season makes you unloving. Both require courage.

So if you're leading teams, ministries, churches, or organizations, this is what I want you to hear. Keep seeing people. Keep believing in growth. Keep loving well. And also trust the discernment God is shaping in you. Boundaries do not mean you have failed someone. Expectations do not mean you have become harsh. They are often the very things that protect what is healthy.

People make up an organization. And when we pour into the wrong person for too long, it can impact far more than we realize.

So instead of being slow to hire and quick to fire, I have learned to choose a different posture.

𝗗𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗲.

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Tina Smith

Author | Mentor | Supervisor | Mediator-in-Training | International Coach | Director | Founder of Selah Treatment Center

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